Happy Holidays! (& a Christmas Tweet Roundup)

In an effort to keep my house clean before we host Christmas, I’ve asked my family to move out.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 18, 2018

My nephew asked why Santa doesn’t set off the alarm and I said he cuts the wires like any experienced home invader would.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) December 21, 2018

If you’ve got breakable ornaments on your Christmas tree, don’t even bother trying to give anyone parenting advice.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 18, 2018

I'd like to thank the people who buy the gift bags. Because of you, I have never had to buy a gift bag. Thank you, from the bottom of my large gift bag filled with smaller gift bags.

— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) December 18, 2018

I have to say my favorite Christmas memory is that one where I was a kid and I didn't have to plan, shop, buy, drive, wrap, or stress.

The good ol' days…

— Micah (@ParentalGrit) December 19, 2018

Everyone: We find square and rectangular packages easiest to wrap.

Toy manufacturers: So, dodecahedrons!?

E:… no

TM: asymmetrical rhombus!?

E:…

TM: ohh!!!! We know, ovals with a squared bottoms!

E:

— Heather🦈Doo doo Doo doo (@dishs_up) December 11, 2018

Parents, 11 months of the year:

"Don't talk to strangers. Don't take things from strangers. If a man makes you sit on his lap, tell an adult."

Parents in December:

"I don't care if you don't want to! Sit on that strange man's lap and tell him what you want him to give you."

— Lyfe of Dad (@lyfeofdad) December 16, 2018

We just discussed the menu for Santa for Christmas Eve.

5yo suggested leaving Santa cookies and beer.

She then looked at my glass of wine and suggested that Santa might also like wine. Cookies and wine.

My work here is done.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) December 17, 2018

I'm totally going to lay under our Christmas tree this year to remind my family that I am a gift. 🎄 #momlife

— Marlena Ryan (@LenaLoves6) December 15, 2018

Being a dad is great. On Christmas morning I’m just as surprised as the kids when they open the presents we bought them.

— The Baron (@baronvonbike) December 13, 2018

Kids: We are making you a Christmas gift!

Me: Oh, that is so sweet-

K: *pull out paint*

Me: You really don’t-

K: *pull out glue*

Me: Really, guys, I don’t need-

K: *pull out glitter*

Me: Christmas is cancelled.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 3, 2018