12 Practical Tips to Help You to Thrive as an Introverted Parent

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I’m an introvert.  Nothing has driven home the truth of that statement like parenting young children.  Young kids, as we all know, talk, move, and just need constantly.  The relentlessness of parenting can make me feel like I can’t even finish a thought, let alone grab a few minutes for myself to recharge.

That recharge time is crucial – without it I find myself losing my patience, exasperated, and quite frankly, not being the kind of Mom I want to be.  Here are some of the strategies and tips that I use to thrive as an introverted parent.

1. Engage Fully

I know, it seems counter-intuitive, but bear with me.  My kids need me.  They need my time and attention, and they don’t care that I need quiet time to myself.

So I give it to them.  I get down on the floor with them and play their made-up, imaginative game.  We play cars, or Transformers, or Lego.  We build a tower out of stacking cups and knock it down over and over.  Whatever it is, I give them my full attention.  I ignore my phone, the dinner that needs to be made, the floor that needs to be swept, and just play.

Then, when we’re done (or let’s face it, when I’m done, because they could do this all day!), I move on to something that I need to do.  Sure, they’d like me to keep playing with them, but I find that giving them my full attention for a period of time is a good thing for all of us.  We have fun, and if they’ve had some quality time with me, they seem to be more understanding of the fact that I now have grown-up things to do.

2. Make Time for Yourself

This is hard, I know that.  But even if you’re a stay-at-home parent, there are ways to carve out time in the day just for you.

• Find a gym with childcare included.
• Trade off childcare with a friend – host her child(ren) for a playdate, and send them all to her house another day (this can be a win/win, particularly if your kids play well together and you can let them occupy each other without needing to constantly intervene).
• If you have a spouse or partner, trade off – one of you gets a break on Saturday, and the other on Sunday.  This gets trickier the more kids and activities you have, but even an hour or so can give each of you a much-needed sanity break.
• Make nights out – with or without your spouse – a priority.  Or, if nights out aren’t feasible, meet a friend for brunch or coffee.
• If getting out isn’t possible, make the most of your downtime.  It’s too easy to waste the time after the kid are in bed mindlessly staring at your phone, and then collapsing into bed, exhausted.  Do something that recharges you instead – read, write, exercise, take a bath.  Make the time count.

Related: The Importance of Self-Care: A Wake-Up Call

3. Just Say No

As an introverted parent I need downtime at home.  If our schedule is overbooked, that time is not going to happen.  Know your limit in terms of activities and events, and stick to it.

4. Quiet Time

Our three-year-old is threatening to drop his afternoon nap.  As any introverted parent of young children knows, that midday downtime is crucial to survive the rest of the day.  The rule we have for him is the same rule that we had for his older brother: he doesn’t need to nap, but he needs to have quiet time alone in his room.  I explain to him that we all need to have some quiet time by ourselves, and we talk about the fun activity that we’re going to do afterwards.  Getting him to actually stay in his room is definitely a work in progress, but we will stick with it, as the downtime is beneficial for everyone.

5. Go for a Walk

When the noise and the activity and the demands are just too much, one of my favourite activities is to go for a walk.  This works especially well with just the little two, who will happily sit in the stroller for as long as I’m willing to push them.  If my oldest is with us, he’s perfectly content to ride along on his bike.

6. Get Outside

If a walk isn’t feasible, any outside time resets all of us.  My kids are happier outside – there’s more to explore, and more opportunities to be active.  They’re better at independent play outside, and this in turn gives me much-needed space to breathe.

Related: Some Days Are Hard

7. Go for a Drive

Another go-to activity when I’m talked and touched out is to make up an errand and go for a drive.  My kids tend to zone out in the car, so this gives me a few minutes where I can tune out and just enjoy the quiet.  Of course, if you have kids who hate the car, or kids who tend to get car sick, this might not be the best option for you!

8. Screen Time is OK!

Obviously, we don’t want to plant our kids in front of the TV or on the iPad for hours at a time.  However, if giving them 30 minutes of screen time is going to give you the break and energy you need to get through the rest of the day, by all means do it!

9. Prioritize One-on-One Time

One of the things that wears me out about having three children is all of them talking to me or needing me at the same time.  I do much better when I’m able to focus on one person or one thing at a time.  Because of this, I make it a priority to get one-on-one time with each of my kids.  Whether it’s an elaborate “Mommy Date”, or just playing alone with one of them for 10 minutes, that time is so good for both of us.

Related: How to Make Time for Quality Time with Your Kids

10. Focus on the Positive

At the end of the day, when you’re talked out, touched out, and exhausted, it’s easy to forget the wonderful moments.  One of the strategies I use to focus on the positive each day is to keep a journal.  I use this one and LOVE it.  It’s just enough space to record the highlights of the day, but not so much space that it becomes a daunting task to fill it.  It has helped me focus on the positive and remember those magical moments that happen every day.  I’ve been writing in it for almost five years now (it’s almost full!) and it’s become one of my most treasured possessions.

11. Model Recharging Behaviour

In elementary school, we had “Uninterrupted Sustained Silent Reading” every day after lunch for about 20 minutes.  That was my favourite part of the day.  My goal is to one day be able to implement something similar with my kids.  We’re not there yet, but I’m working on it.

I’ll read to them, or I’ll read to myself (actual books, not just my iPad!) while they look at books.  We’ll colour quietly together, or they’ll work on an art project while I write.  Most of the time our house is fairly chaotic (hence the name of this blog!), so this gives us a nice chance to enjoy quiet activities while still being together.

12. Let Go of the Guilt

I cannot emphasize this enough.  As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.  Some days you will be counting down to nap time or bedtime, and that’s ok!  I love my kids, but I know that to be the best Mom I can be for them I need to make my needs a priority too.  I’m a better Mom (and much more fun to be around!) when I use some of the strategies above to give myself time to recharge.

Related: 11 Realistic Tips to Help You Become a More Patient Parent

Are you an introverted parent?  How do you balance your needs as an introvert with the chaos of raising young kids?